How To Deal With Aggressive People At Work
The following tips provides a better way of dealing with aggressive people in your everyday experiences at work and in business relationships.
Sweet revenge is often not sweet at all; instead it is often sour and leaves a very bitter taste.
The problem with seeking revenge is that it often ends up seeking you—or you might fan the flames that end up burning you.
Once you let go of the anger that’s fueling your revenge, you can better think through your options and what it’s really best to do.
If you feel like you continually have to walk on eggshells around someone, maybe you should be walking away.
If you have to stay around someone and feel you are walking on eggshells, find ways to handle the eggs—and that person— more gently so the shells don’t break.
If you find yourself in a box of eggshells—say with a group of supersensitive people—then be light on your feet, so you don’t shake up and shatter the eggs.
If you do break the eggs, try making an omelet. In other words, try to find a soft, gentle way to make repairs in the relationship to smooth things over by building up the person’s self-esteem, which may have been shattered like the egg.
If you’re fighting about the facts, sometimes that’s because you and others don’t know what the facts really are.
Don’t just imagine or assume what the facts must be; find out when you don’t know or aren’t sure.
Sometimes firmly held opinions are inversely related to what people really know; if so, seek to reverse the equation by providing them with the facts.
To turn down the volume on a conflict, sometimes it’s better to have someone do it for you.
Just like you get rid of static on the radio to get a clear channel, in a conflict, bringing things out in the open can promote clarity and get rid of the noise.
If you sense that someone is acting covertly against you, that’s like detecting low-level static on the radio. Seek to eliminate the problem as soon as possible, so the channel—and the relationship—becomes clear again.
Remember that people have their own receptions—like those on a radio—and tune in to different levels, so that some people are more sensitive than others. What one person means as a quiet joking comment can sound like a loud hurtful insult to the other. If so, it’s time to turn down the volume on that broadcast, too.
If you’re facing a fired-up employee, a first step is to put out the fire.
When others are raging, think of ways of engaging.
Just as honey can make the medicine go down, sweet talk can sometimes be just the medicine to put down office conflicts.
Avoid threatening legal action when someone’s already enraged and upset. These could be fighting words that provoke even more fight from someone ready to go off.
When you least expect it, the unexpected will occur; so prepare for the unexpected in case you don’t get what you expect.
When situations change, so can people; so be prepared for people to change their attitudes and their actions when they are placed in different situations and play different roles.
Your preparations are only as good as your predictions, and sometimes your predictions can be wrong. So prepare for the unpredictable, too.
Just because you know things happened a certain way doesn’t mean that others know that or want things to be that way. So be prepared that someone else may tell a different story, whether he believes it or just wants others to believe his point of view.
Don’t expect people always to tell the truth, even in court. If there’s an incentive to lie and a good chance of not getting caught, people often will—so be prepared for that, too.
When you aren’t sure what to do, the best strategy may be to simply wait.
There can be great power and wisdom in doing nothing, because action or resistance might provoke a counter-response.
Instead of escalating the action to end a situation, try waiting it out to see if it will end on its own.
Sometimes it’s best to treat a situation like a dog on the porch. Put it away for awhile, give it minimal attention, and it’ll eventually either work itself out (ie: behave) or simply wind down (ie: go away).
If something isn’t clear one way, try using one or more other channels of communication to reinforce what you want to say.
Don’t just say it; find ways to write it and show it, too.
Combine a little concern and compassion with clarity to help the clarity go down—just as you might add sugar to medicine or give someone a sugar-coated pill to make it easier to swallow.
Don’t just try to make it clear yourself. Try to get the other person to shine some light, as well, to clear the way.